Rinoa and the Toilet Cubicle
by Naomimon
Summary: What's that funky smell in the rest room? Quistis finds out. I don't like Rinoa and neither should you! Rinoa bashing, Tom Cruise bashing, slash.


Rinoa and the Toilet Cubicle

"But Squall she's your girlfriend!" Quistis protested.

"No she isn't!" Squall yelled back, "I don't even like her! Nobody does!"

"He's got a point there Quisty," Zell said resting his feet on the desk, "Besides, she smells."

"See?" Squall said pointing at Zell, "I'm not the only one who's noticed."

"That may be so but Squall you cannot declare Rinoa an enemy of Garden!" Quistis said pounding her fist on the desk.

"Why the hell not?" Asked Squall. "I am the commander you know."

"Yeah, he could fire you if he wanted." Zell added.

"Wha-?" Quistis' eyes widened as Xu entered the room.

"Sir I'm here to make my report," She said to Squall as he sat back in his chair.

"Go ahead," He waved his hand in her general direction.

"Well I've been following Ms Heartilly for the last week and I've made the following observations." Xu said as she handed a folder to Squall. "The subject has been seen," she paused to clear her throat, "bathing in the last cubical of the female juniors toilets."

Zell fell off his chair, "What!"

"Wow that's fucked up." Quistis said.

"Yeah and that's not the worst of it." Xu said. "She never flushes."

"Ew." Was all that Squall could manage. Zell sat dumbfounded while Quistis turned green.

"Sir you have the full report in your hands, may I be dismissed? I need a shower." Xu said scratching her head. "I think I have fleas."

"From Angelo?" Zell asked.

"No from Rinoa." Xu shuddered.

"You're dismissed Xu." Squall said while thumbing through the report. As she walked out he exclaimed, "She eats out of the bin!"

"Okay Quistis I'm putting you in change of coming up with a way to get rid of her." Squall handed that file to her.

"Me?" She exclaimed. "But why me? I don't want to go near her! I don't want fleas."

"Too bad. I'm the commander and I'm commanding you to take care of the problem." Squall stood in his 'Commander pose'.

"What about me?" Asked Zell. "I don't have to go near her do I?"

"Hell no!" Replied Squall. "You're to stay by my side at all times. You're first mission is to shower with me. I feel so dirty after looking through that file."

"Yes sir!" Zell saluted.

"Can I join in too?" Quistis, who wasn't over her crush of Squall, asked.

"NO!" Squall snapped. "Go get rid of Rinoa."

"Damn it." Quistis mumbled as she left the office. How was she going to get rid of Rinoa? She decided the first thing she would need is some rubber gloves and maybe a broom to prod her with. She opened the janitors closet only to come face to face with two semi naked men kissing. "God damn it! Would you guys get a room already?"

"I thought we had." Seifer said while Irvine chuckled against his neck.

Quistis pushed them aside and grabbed some gloves and a broom. "This Garden is full of fucking fruit." She mumbled under her breath.

She went to the juniors female restroom and stood out side the door. Two juniors hustled out of the door gasping. Quistis held her breath and walked in. The restroom was quiet except for a splashing noise coming from the last cubicle. She held the broom up and approached the door slowly. She pushed the door open with the end of the broom. She gasped at what she saw. Rinoa was bent over the toilet drinking the water. Quistis almost threw up when she remembered that she never flushed it. Without warning she snapped. Screaming she smashed the broom over Rinoa's head. "DIE!" She screamed hitting her again and again. "You sick freak!"

"What's going on in here?" Tom Cruise looked over the wall of the cubicle.

Quistis saw him and screamed. She dropped the broom and ran out of the room.

Tom jumped down from where he was perched on the toilet paper. "What do we have here?" He said as he walked into Rinoa's cubicle. He pulled a sputtering Rinoa out of the toilet bowl. She was bleeding from the head and was half dead. "There there pet." Tom said. "I'll take care of you." A malicious grin spread across his face. "I'll take real good care of you."

Meanwhile upstairs Squall and Zell were having hot sex in the shower. Rinoa was never heard from again.


End file.
